Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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