Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
