every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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