I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
