I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
