so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize