Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
