put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize