Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
