I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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