I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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