I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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