you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
