i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
