the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
