i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
