I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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