If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
