My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
