You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
