He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
