We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
