Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
