some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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