That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
