birth control should be required to get into college
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
