I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize