Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize