my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
