I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
