Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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