they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think my moral compass just broke
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