Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I met the friendliest cop last night
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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