I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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