I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
