I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
