Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize