We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
