The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
