Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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