I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
