I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
