M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
