you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
