Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
