She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
