Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
