Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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