When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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