no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
