yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
