Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
