Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize