Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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