I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
