the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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