Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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