do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
