You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
