im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
