Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
