i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
