but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize