Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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