discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
