i barfeds in our rink
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
True strength comes from lack of pants
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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