i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
