So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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