That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
