I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
