I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
