Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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