Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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