I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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