His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Randomize
