She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
