literally had 100 drinks last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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